Personal Growth

Writing to Heal the Pain Book Review

It is a well-known fact that journaling has therapeutic effects and that it is an exercise often recommended for those who deal with a lot of stress, anxiety, and even to help with memory. In Writing to Heal the Pain: Stories & Poems (Transformation Book 1), Mateja Klaric recovers the articles and poems she created to deal with her own problems as a catharsis.

I worked with this method several times before with great results, but somehow I forgot about it. This book helped me remember that writing, besides being the noblest of arts, is also one of the most effective treatments for mental illness. I started writing fiction and then more personal texts in order to express what I often kept for myself. As time passed me by, I changed this perception, but Mateja Klaric reminded me that writing could be more than just self-expression.

Writing to Heal the Pain not only serves as a self-healing method to the author but also to the reader, who discovers the power in expressing their vulnerability, pain, and sorrow instead of keeping it all inside. Although we all hear and read and are told to do it, we rarely see an example of how to do so.

The author saves nothing to herself and lets the readers see what it is like to start from scratch and face the worst possible scenario, seeing also how writing kept her sane and healthy in one way or the other. Whether it is a story, a poem, or any other kind of text, Mateja Klaric lets the magic flow through her fingers as she creates and offers us a window into her mind.

What I liked the most about Writing to Heal the Pain is that every text included in this book can serve to start discussing about a certain topic. How do we know for sure who will be with us when we need them the most? Who are our real friends? How solid is the ground in which we have constructed our life?

Although uncomfortable, these are questions we address not that often, something that should change. The author shows us how things can change in a matter of seconds and that, as part of a spiritual journey, writing can help us discover more about who we are and what we represent than under different circumstances.

Mateja Klaric has a powerful, moving style. I knew this would be a short, quick book, but I finished it even faster than I expected. Her confident voice made it a delight to read her honesty and feel the amalgam of feelings she expresses in short texts, which you don’t find that often these days. I’m definitely a fan of this woman.

I will be impatiently waiting for the next book in this series, and in the meantime, maybe I would be re-reading Writing to Heal the Pain: Stories & Poems (Transformation Book 1). Do the same if you like honest memories that express what it is like to crash and survive the fall, even more if you believe in the power of words and want to recover your faith in humankind. Mine is restored.

Writing to Heal the Pain: Stories & Poems (Transformation Book 1)
Print Length: 138 pages
Publisher: Transform the Pain (June 25, 2019)
Publication Date: June 25, 2019
ISBN-10: 1074481895
ISBN-13: 978-1074481896

About the Author

Mateja started to write short stories at the age of ten and later became a freelance journalist, radio personality, and explorer of the inner worlds. To make life even more exciting, she also ran an advertising agency for eight years. Mateja’s life resembles a roller coaster ride full of ups and downs and some pretty wild turns. Among other things, her car was destroyed by tanks, and she survived several brushes with death. Mateja graduated in psychology from Arizona State University and is now a writer, photographer, and transformation guide.

About the Reviewer

Bader Saab is a digital journalist and solitary, eclectic witch interested in the darker side of magic and divination. Besides reading and writing, Bader also enjoys studying the Gothic subculture, which he belongs to, learning new languages and making endless lists of movies, music and the like. He can be found on Instagram as @saab.bader.

A Serial Killer’s Daughter Book Review

woman writing

There are times when guidance comes from unexpected places, others when you don’t know help came until time passes, and very rare occasions when it comes from within, a place to intimate, so secret, you didn’t know existed until your souls brings it into the light. In A Serial Killer’s Daughter: My Story of Faith, Love, and Overcoming, by Kerri Rawson, the authors tells how she lived these three cases when her father was arrested and she discovered he was the serial killer BTK.

Kerri Rawson, neé Rader, tells the story of her life, focusing on the grieving periods when she first doubted and then denied the existence of God, of any kind of divine being watching over her and her family, and how she, slowly, regained her faith, mostly due to an expedition that could have devastated her.

However, after returning to Christianity, her family’s religion and the one she was raised in, she is faced with more questions and doubts than ever before, when her father, Dennis Rader, is arrested for murder. As the investigation advanced, she discovered she was A Serial Killer’s Daughter, a man guilty of ten murders, including children.

The books explains how she struggled to understand loss, mourning and then come into terms with the other side of her father that Kerri Rawson didn’t know about, just like the rest of her family, how she accepted these episodes as part of her life and learned from them, discovering that, although painful, helped her to get closer to God, to the good memories and feelings.

Although the premise is promising and that’s exactly why I got this book, the first half of it had little to no relation to what the title and synopsis sold me, made me consider abandon this reading. However, just when I was about to give up on the book, A Serial Killer’s Daughter went right to what interests the readers.

Kerri Rawson shares deep, emotional episodes relating this time of her life, explaining how it affected her as a victim of emotional abuse and a woman with PTSD, lighting a part of the complex world of mental health. Not only serving as a form of personal catharsis, the book also provides guidance for those who may have lived under conditions similar to the author’s, explaining how help can come when one less expects it.

Despite having a troublesome beginning for me, which is mostly due to my personal interests, I have to clarify, A Serial Killer’s Daughter was worth the wait. It haves several phrases that, no matter the reader’s faith of spiritual posture, could help anyone in any situation of need, but always making clear that professional help, such as therapy, cannot be substituted.

The author has a simple yet direct style, filled with emotion and honesty, making it more than just a personal retelling of historical facts. This is her confessional, which could have easily been a journal in the beginning to be later edited in book format. Kerri Rawson has written a powerful, healing book.

More than just a memoire or autobiography, A Serial Killer’s Daughter: My Story of Faith, Love, and Overcoming, by Kerri Rawson, honors its subtitle. It truly teaches the reader how faith and love can lead to overcoming, how life gives and takes mindfully and that there is a lesson behind every episode in our lives. Whether you’re interested in serial killers, Christinity or self-help books, or even an unconventional combination of the three, you will enjoy this reading.

A Serial Killer’s Daughter: My Story of Faith, Love, and Overcoming

Print Length: 336 pages
Publisher: Thomas Nelson (January 29, 2019)
Publishing Date: January 29, 2019
ISBN-10: 1400201756
ISBN-13: 978-1400201754

About the Author
Kerri Rawson is the daughter of Dennis Rader, better known to the world as the serial killer BTK. Since her father’s arrest, Kerri has been an advocate for victims of abuse, crime, and trauma, sharing her journey of hope, healing, faith, and forgiveness. She lives with her husband, two children, and two cats in Michigan.

About the Reviewer
Bader Saab is a digital journalist and solitary, eclectic witch interested in the darker side of magic and divination. Besides reading and writing, Bader also enjoys studying the Gothic subculture, which he belongs to, learning new languages and making endless lists of movies, music and the like. He can be found on Instagram as @saab.bader.

Photo by Hannah Olinger on Unsplash

How To Be An Invincible Being

By Serina Aramaki

We shall never truly be defeated in life.
(From Invincible Thinking by Ryuho Okawa)

What does it mean to be an invincible being? Ryuho Okawa, global visionary, renowned spiritual leader and founder and CEO of Happy Science, the fastest growing and most influential spiritual movement in Japan today, talks extensively about this in his book Invincible Thinking—a book that has sold more than two million copies in Japan.

“Invincible thinking is a powerful attitude that enables us to triumph under any circumstance,” Okawa says. “It helps us learn from both success and failure and grow into capable and exceptional leaders. Invincible thinking embraces the philosophy of positive thinking and principle of self-reflection, which together help us shape our future as we face all the circumstances life brings.”

Here are three introductory steps to becoming an invincible being. The first step is:

Discover your invincible self

To make this discovery, take time and contemplate the possibility that you, and you alone, are the one limiting your potential and capabilities. Are you letting past failures take over your life? Do you have a fixed image of who you are or what kind of person you should be?

Okawa is clear that we become the person we think we are, so the first step to invincibility is removing negative self-talk and limiting internalized images of the self that keep us from becoming the person we want to become. “You are what you think,” says Okawa. “The problem is often that our minds are stuck in the past, and past failures remain strong in our thoughts.”

So, monitor your thoughts. Grab hold of that inner critic when s/he surfaces and identify your negative self-images and where they come from. Maybe you did poorly in school and think you’re not smart enough to be successful in business? Maybe your sisters teased you about your clothes growing up and you think you’re not talented enough to go into fashion design? Maybe you want to learn to rock climb but don’t go for it because you still think of yourself as the overweight, uncoordinated kid from gym class who couldn’t possibly scale a mountain? Whatever the limiting belief, write it down and realize it’s not the truth of who you are now. It’s just a past story blocking you.

By making concrete efforts to identify your negative self-beliefs and stories and go beyond them on a day-to-day basis, be assured that you will make steady progress to discovering your invincible self.

The second step is:

Master your time in life

During the course of any lifetime, we go through various experiences, some good and others bad, bringing both happiness and misery. If you look at how people deal with the various situations life brings, some make smooth progress as long as things are going their way. It’s easy sailing a yacht in a tailwind. Right? But as soon as they find themselves facing a stiff headwind, they stall out and stop progressing. They complain, quit, and go under like a capsized ship. Many people fall into this category.

And then there are the others at the opposite end of the spectrum who show an indomitable will to persist with their dreams and desires even in the face of adversity and opposition. “An indomitable spirit is an essential attitude we need to cultivate to be truly empowered by invincible thinking,” says Okawa. “We all get excited about new ideas, but the authenticity of our wishes can be proven in the passage of time.”

To see whether you are using the power of invincible thinking, reflect back on yourself and your goals from six months ago, a year ago, two years ago or three. Have you moved steadily forward towards your dreams and desires? Have you regressed and backed off? Have you given up altogether?

We need to constantly check whether we are staying on or straying from the path we set for ourselves.

The third step to invincible being is:

Finding God’s purpose in everything

A crucial point to effectively and permanently turning our perspective around and becoming an invincible being is opening up to the idea that there’s more going on than just focusing on positive thinking, self-growth, personal achievement, and making our journey through life smooth sailing. Changing our perspective to see the positive light in everything is founded in a core belief that life has a deeper purpose and that the universe and the world we live in now were designed with divine benevolence and purpose.

Positive thinking is highly secular. Invincible thinking, on the other hand, helps us find our purpose in discovering and gaining light from all our various experiences in this physical world by becoming convinced deep within that this is God’s world of goodness and splendor. When you bring the divine into the picture, then no matter what your condition or situation, your surroundings should not appear vile to you. “Everything we find in this world is a precious material that can promote our spiritual growth and enrich our souls,” says Okawa. “Going through life with this perspective will help us to never allow any precious resource for spiritual learning and nourishment to go to waste.”

When we live from this perspective, we find ourselves continually winning in life. We develop strong, unshakable minds and solid, fortified hearts that are impervious to hardship. We can take advantage of difficult times to fertilize our souls and grow, no longer fearing adversity, truly becoming invincible beings.

Interested in becoming invincible? Check out the film Immortal Hero, based on the true story of Ryuho Okawa, who suffered complete heart failure, yet literally came back to life through the force of his own mind and will in order to complete his mission on Earth to help uplift humanity. Since then, his life and his works have inspired millions. A limited theatrical release is planned for Mid-October 2019, for more information visit www.immortal-hero.com.

About the Author

Serina Aramaki was born in Tokyo, Japan in 1991 and the youngest among four siblings. She went to boarding school in Switzerland, then went on to study Studio Art and International Studies at a university in Rhode Island. She received honor cords as well as Art Awards for her work but realized she wanted a more spiritual path. Right after graduation in 2014, she went back to Japan and started to work for Happy Science, the most influential spiritual organization in Japan. In Happy Science, she has worked in the Secretary-General department for two years, worked as staff in the head temple in Tochigi, and worked as a minister. She is now working in International media as a director of Production and Distribution.

Photo by Eleonora Patricola on Unsplash

Excuse Me … Did you Say Sanskrit?

The Surprising Relevance of Sanskrit for Today

By Sarah Mane

I was recently on a long-haul flight from Sydney to Vancouver. In the row in front was a young mother with two little boys. The flight attendant announced that no one was to use peanuts as these boys had a severe peanut allergy. All through the flight this mother provided her children with carefully pre-prepared food. Making sure the boys were occupied, answering their questions, resting when she could. It was very impressive. But what has this got to do with Sanskrit? I’ll get to that.

First, what is Sanskrit? It is an ancient language, some would say timeless. It is described as the language of the Universe, and a Mother of Languages. These are grand claims to be sure, so let’s look at Sanskrit on two levels.

First, Sanskrit is a spoken language with grammar, vocabulary, sentence structure and so on. As a Mother of Languages, Sanskrit is an etymological matriarch in the vast Indo-European family of languages, which includes Latin and Ancient Greek and the Germanic, Indian and Romance families of languages. English, of course, is an Indo-European language.

To get an insight into the care of that young mother taking her boys home to Canada let’s look at the power of ‘mātri’, the Sanskrit word for ‘mother’. Our English ‘mother’ is cognate with matri, so, when we’re speaking English every day, we’re connected with Sanskrit meanings whether we’re aware of it or not.

The second, deeper level of Sanskrit is as the language of the Universe. But how is this so? And how did that universal language affect a young family on a trans-Pacific flight?

The word ‘Sanskrita’ means ‘purified and perfectly formed’. When we are quiet, open and receptive, without mental distractions, we hear a still small voice within. That voice is always pure and perfectly formed— it is sanskrita. In that quiet state we just ‘know’ the truth of that voice.

This communication occurs in our heart. This perfectly formed language then needs to be interpreted into our vernacular language so that our mind and body can take action. This sense of ‘knowing’, a simple alignment and resonance with this Universal language, shapes itself into a form that our mind and body can use.

Sanskrit reflects that universal language. It uses a subtle system of verbal roots to establish a connection to that universal language

Each simple verbal root, called a ‘dhātu’ (धातु), gives rise to a myriad of words. The core meaning of all these words comes from the verbal root. This is the powerhouse of the meaning. These roots are verbal, that is the key to the system. Verbs are ‘doing’ words, they are actions.

We generally think of ‘meaning’ as a concept or an object. We think a ‘table’ is a thing, not as the ‘act of tabling’, the service that the table performs for us. Sanskrit, on the other hand, is based on the idea that the actual meaning of something is what it does, the action it performs. So if a table ceases to do the act of ‘tabling’, in other words provide us with a surface upon which to put our dinner, then it is no longer a table, it becomes something else.

Actions are a form of energy, so words in Sanskrit carry the core energy of meaning of their particular verbal root. This is one of the astonishing and perhaps unique features of Sanskrit – that meaning is conveyed in experience not merely in concepts.

Now let’s go back to that flight to Canada. Consider the word ‘mother’ —mātri —written as मातृ in the beautiful Devanāgarī script. It draws its meaning from the verbal root ‘mā’ (मा). Mā means ‘to measure’. So, the essential meaning behind ‘mother’ is the act of measuring.

Measuring what?

A mother cares for and nurtures the body, mind, heart and spirit of a child. She provides everything just in the right measure, the perfect amount for the time and place. The measures of what is needed change all the time, but a mother is perfectly designed to give the child what is needed when it is needed. The knowledge of this measuring is innate and comes in response to the child. It is known and expressed in the very act of mothering, it is not a theory or a concept. The true meaning of ‘mother’ is in the action and the experience.

Any woman, whether they have given birth to a child or not, has this natural and innate power of measuring or mothering in the presence of a child. Measuring love, encouragement, discipline, boundaries, knowledge, food, what to wear in the winter or summer, the list is endless. The measures needed to care for a baby, a young child or a teenager are different, but the act of measuring is the constant. The greater the level of presence and awareness in the mother, the more precise the measure is. That was certainly in evidence on that plane.

Delving into the deeper meaning of words like this is very important. The meaning we give to things shapes our world. Things such as Values, Attitude, Truth, Being, Love, Mother and Father are not actually things. They are actions. What is your attitude doing to you and to the people around you, what are your values doing?

Through the timeless wisdom of Sanskrit, we can redefine, clarify and realize new meanings, which can have a powerful and positive impact in our life.

About the Author

Sarah Mane is the author of Conscious Confidence: Use the Wisdom of Sanskrit to Find Clarity and Success. She has been studying Sanskrit since she was a teenager. Today she teaches practical self-awareness, philosophy, meditation and Sanskrit to both children and adults. She also coaches individual clients and business professionals all over the world. Conscious Confidence is her first book from Findhorn Press. For more about Sarah go to www.sarahmane.com

Ancient Secret Discovered in Jungle is Helping People Find Their True Calling

For more than 1,750 years, a small group of people have been using a secret code to unlock their full potential and enjoy rich rewards. But it took two researchers to make the arcane secrets of how to find your true calling available for everyone.

Liz and Ric Thompson are the publishers of “Healthy Wealthy nWise Magazine.” They spent ten years tracking down a system that had been “hiding in plain sight” since the Spanish Conquistadores discovered it in the 1600’s.

It is based on the ancient Mayan Calendar

How powerful is this system?

For those who understand how it works, it unlocks the full power of the Cosmos!

People are using it to:

Find their soul mate
Discover their most rewarding career path
Truly understand their children
Know which people they should avoid working with
How to become more productive
And much, much more…

This “cosmic code” is now available online as an instant download that Liz and Ric have named “The Power Quadrant System.”

This is because the ancient calendar has four quadrants: Blue, White, Red, and Yellow, and their proper usage is the key to obtaining all the benefits.

For more about how to unlock your “True Calling,” just follow this link: ==> POWER QUADRANT SYSTEM <==

The Psychology of Zelda

I decided to get out of the comfort zone, which is good to do now and then, and read The Psychology of Zelda: Linking Our World to the Legend of Zelda Series, edited by Dr. Anthony M. Bean. The sole synopsis caught my attention and thought that it would be great to read something different and see how this series could help its players and fans. Turns out that there is more than meets the eye.

The Psychology of Zelda presents a series of essay that examine how The Legend of Zelda series has different psychological elements and effects in their players. From exploring the Jungian concept of the Shadow and explaining the Five Stages of Grief to discovering lessons about pursuing life’s greater meaning or the evolution of the princess as a female character are just a couple of the topics touched in this book.

I was a little bit disappointed not to see any essay written by Dr. Anthony M. Bean himself, but given the high quality of the content I cannot complain in the end. He selected well developed and research papers, which go straight to the point but also explain several ideas at the same time when needed.

I was particularly fascinated by Stephen F. Kuniak’s It’s Dangerous to go Alone: The Hero’s Journey in The Legend of Zelda. I heard about The Hero’s Journey but never read something as clarifying as this essay, which also included several meanings on the stages and how players could understand each of them. It was my favorite one in The Psychology of Zelda with no doubt.

But in general terms, speaking about the book as a whole, I have to say that readers don’t need to have a vast experience and/or knowledge about the series. Dr. Anthony M. Bean selected essays that could be understood by all readers, even if they knew only the basics about this universe, not to mention that, although it is an academic book, all of them had simple language, just a little bit too formal in some cases.

As I said before, it is great to go for an unexpected reading option sometimes. You never know what you will find, and I am glad I took The Psychology of Zelda: Linking Our World to the Legend of Zelda Series. It is a well-known fact that videogames are not only entertainment, that they also provide teachings and valuable lessons in an attractive way (ask anything about Greek mythology to God of War’s fan if you don’t believe me,) hence I am so happy to see books like this one in the market.

If you agree with me, want to see this series under a different lens, or simply discover what the young ones are learning in Hyrule when incarnating Link, do as I did and give this book a chance. In the meantime, I will be waiting for a new book from Dr. Anthony M. Bean. He got a new reader.

The Psychology of Zelda: Linking Our World to the Legend of Zelda Series

Print Length: 256 pages
Publisher: Smart Pop (February 19, 2019)
Publication Date: February 19, 2019
ISBN-10: 1946885347
ISBN-13: 978-1946885340

About the Editor:
Dr. Anthony Bean specializes in video games, children & adolescents, and the virtual worlds played in by all ages. He is considered an expert in this growing field, has been published extensively in the discipline. He works with children, adolescents, and adults who play video games and their families to better understand the immersive psychological effects video games have upon the individual and resulting family dynamics. Dr. Bean utilizes video game character identification techniques and other archetypal experiences to understand and develop intrinsic motivations for playing, personal identity, and discovering conscious and unconscious conflicts, cognitions, and behaviors. He has worked with children, adolescents, and adults on discovering their own symbolic transformations through the playing of video games and dealing with depression, trauma, anxiety, social isolation, and other common diagnoses to great success.
Dr. Anthony Bean can be followed on Twitter @VideoGameDoc

List of Contributors:
Jonathan Erickson, Stephen F. Kuniak, Louise Grann, Anthony M. Bean, Larisa A. Garski, F. Cary Shepard, Emory S. Daniels, Justine Mastin, Kelsey Klatka, Shane Tilton, Angie Banham Mullins, Melisa Huntley and Wind Goodfriend

About the Reviewer:
Bader Saab is a digital journalist and solitary, eclectic witch interested in the darker side of magic and divination. Besides reading and writing, Bader also enjoys studying the Gothic subculture, which he belongs to, learning new languages and making endless lists of movies, music and the like. He can be found on Instagram as @saab.bader.

The Art of Mindful Reading Book Review

I just finished reading The Art of Mindful Reading: Embracing the Wisdom of Words (Mindfulness series), by Ella Berthoud, a book that aims to make you a better reading by leaving you comfort zone and focusing way much more on the books you read. It has been a long time since I stayed up late in the night and got lost in my inner world because of a book, and honestly I don’t regret putting some responsibilities behind. I wasn’t expecting so much magic in such a short book!

The author gives the readers different steps and options in order to get to know themselves better as readers, how to get the most of their reading time and how to enjoy it even more. We all agree that getting a book is one of the best escapes, I myself do it with any I can get no matter the genre or the author, yet The Art of Mindful Reading makes you see things under a different point of view and try doing them in a different way.

Writing on books, reading in unusual places, giving different formats a chance, and even cutting books in pieces (I’m still trying to accept this as an option, by the way; little to no progress, in case you want to know) are some of the strategies Ella Berthoud proposes in order to read not only faster but more comfortable, all in order to enjoy our time and be able to remember with more details each of the books we read.

Along with it, The Art of Mindful Reading also includes strategies to develop a basic writing practice, journaling prompts and ideas to share the joy of reading with others, such as how to start a street library or a book or reading club. There are so many projects that you could create more based on the guidance of the author, and I’m sure that’s exactly what she would be expecting after finishing this book.

Ella Berthoud also has an informal style that makes you go page after page not noting the hours passing by, and how all the other responsibilities are left behind. By the way, this is another of the ideas she gives in her book: being irresponsible and focus solely on our reading, and I couldn’t agree more with her. There are times when all you need is to escape from reality, from deadlines, tasks and homework.

The Art of Mindful Reading also helps you to become that book-loving child that just discovered reading through simple methods and tips. Although we are all adults now and need to adjust our time, the authors urges us to remember why we started reading in the first place, focus on that and alter our daily routine so not to lose it, or if we already did, to recover such a pleasure. I already feel rejuvenated, and am eager to start re reading my favorite childhood and adolescence novels.

If you like books on any level, read this one. If you want to improve your reading process, read this one. If you aim to become a writer, read this one. Ella Berthoud touches all the right topics in The Art of Mindful Reading: Embracing the Wisdom of Words, a book I’m sure we will revisiting after finishing it for the first time.

About the Book:

The Art of Mindful Reading: Embracing the Wisdom of Words (Mindfulness series)

Print Length: 144 pages
Publisher: Leaping Hare Press (June 4, 2019)
Publication Date: June 4, 2019
ISBN-10: 1782407685
ISBN-13: 978-1782407683

About the Author

Ella Berthoud is a bibliotherapist at the international School of Life, prescribing literary cures to readers everywhere. She is the author of The Art of Mindful Reading and co-author of The Novel Cure and The Story Cure, and read English literature at Cambridge University. Ella regularly gives talks on reading ailments and mindful reading at bookstores and festivals across the UK. She lives with her family in West Sussex, England.

About the Reviewer

Photo by iam Se7en on Unsplash

Love, Relationships and Other Decisions

It may strike you as a particularly unromantic thought that I should classify such themes as love and relationships within decision-making. After all, shouldn’t love just happen, rather than being a matter of choice?

Shakespeare understood the intricate and deeper layers of love, when he wrote in Romeo and Juliet (Act I, scene 1):

“Love is heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold, sick and healthy, asleep and awake – it’s everything except what it is!”

If love creates such exacerbated and passionate feelings (from pathos, the Greek word for ‘suffering’), it may be precisely because it is never simply ‘bright’ or ‘dark’, never so obviously clear cut. Love and relationships may be exciting precisely because they are the locus of a permanent question, of a permanent tension between opposites.

Aristotle, back in the 4th Century B.C., defined virtue as “a disposition to behave as a mean between extremes of deficiency and excess”. The mean for Aristotle is the opposite of both extremes, and we reach excellence through the habit of seeking and finding this mean between all the extremes in our lives.

Love and relationships are therefore soul-enhancing parts of our lives as they pose this permanent question (Heavy or light? Bright or dark? Etc.) and require our ongoing positioning between both extremes. Love is a permanent decision.

Yet, we all know that love and relationships can also be areas of “stuckness” in our lives. We may end up either paralysed by the lack of connection (as evidenced by the proliferation of dating apps), or by the strong feeling of inadequacy in a relationship from which we find it hard to extricate ourselves.

Sometimes, this feeling is rendered more complex when we cannot even identify what we truly want. In Stephen Sondheim’s musical “Into the Woods”, one of the characters asks: “Are you sure that what you wish is also what you want?” In relationships and many other areas of decision-making, different parts of us may want different things.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if there were a simple formula, an easy-to-use algorithm that would solve all our decisions, in particular those relating to relationships? This is what Sigmund Freud, the father of psychoanalysis, had to say on the subject:

“When making a decision of minor importance, I have always found it advantageous to consider all the pros and cons. In vital matters, however, such as the choice of a mate or profession, the decision should come from the unconscious, from somewhere within ourselves. In the important decisions of personal life, we should be governed, I think, by the deep inner needs of our nature.”

In this context, it is essential to think of what drives us towards relationships.

According to the Jungian psychoanalyst James Hollis, the yearning to return to a mythical paradise is “the primary motive, the hidden agenda in any relationship”.

We may regard as particularly ill-omened the fact that our very first decision as human beings back in Eden, was the Original Sin – not the best start to a life of independent decision making! However, Schopenhauer regarded the original sin as our original design: through breaching the tacit contract with God, it marks the start of our autonomous lives outside the Garden, even if it comes with the yearning to return!

In my mind, this is not limited to the relationship between two people. It also describes our relationship with ourselves. As the psychologist Dr Tim Pychyl asserted, one of the explanations for indecisiveness and procrastination is the poor relationship between us and our future selves. Neuroscience has shown that procrastinators demonstrate a lack of “future self-continuity”, favouring the demands of the present self over the needs of the future self.

But let’s return to Eden for a moment. It is also, the place of God’s first question. In Genesis 3.9, God asks Adam: “Where are you?” In biblical Hebrew the question is even shorter, just one word: Ayeka?

Naturally, we can assume that God knows full well where Adam is physically hiding: his question is of an essential nature.

This is the question we should also ask ourselves when we struggle with our decisions and end up hiding behind the comfort of procrastination. Where are we in our lives, whether in our careers, in our relationships, our friendships, as well as our spiritual and intellectual growth?

Put differently, I don’t believe that there are many fundamentally complicated decisions. However, I think there are fundamentally complicated humans. And this description applies to all of us, whether seldom or often. Therefore, we need to locate the self wherever it is stuck and reignite the engine of our volition.

In The Art of Decision Making: How we Move from Indecision to Smart Choices, I have endeavoured to track the self through the nooks and crannies of our most challenging decisions. It may be stuck in any of the six chambers that make up what I describe as the COSARC pyramid:

Creativity: Did you employ enough lateral thinking when envisaging not only your options, but also your objectives?
Options: Have you considered the consequences of each option? And do you know which parts of you may want different things?
Selection: How do you operate this critical step which will cut you off from other possibilities?
Action: How do you commit to your preferred choice and evacuate doubt from the equation?
Resolve: Can you avoid the pull of potential regrets and stick with your decision without being side-tracked by any distractions or difficulties?
Completion: How can you lead your decision through this ultimate step, without either giving up too early, or dwelling in this last step so long that its completion is delayed endlessly?

Identifying our precise location and re-energising our volition are the keys to decision making. Succeeding in this endeavour leads us to the realisation that the most important question isn’t how we, as human beings, can become better decision makers. It is instead: how we, as decision makers, can become better human beings.

About the author:

Joseph Bikart is a founding member is a founding partner and director of the international consulting firm Templar Advisors. For the past 20 years, following a first career in investment banking, he has advised leaders in corporate and public life on their communication and negotiations. Through his work with thousands of decision-makers, he has created Decisiology, an innovative approach to executive coaching, drawing from his studies at the Institute of Psychoanalysis and at the Tavistock in London. He is also a keynote speaker, and a lecturer at the London Business School.

Photo by Dylan McLeod on Unsplash

Can Two Things, Seemingly Different, Be True At The Same Time?

By Dr. Stewart Bitkoff

Yes. Have you ever gotten into a discussion with your significant other where both were at polar opposites? For example one wishes to paint the house and the other does not. In this situation, we are not considering if the house needs paint, to what degree and by which standard but simply if the people involved want it painted. In this scenario there is no correct answer and in time a compromise is reached, one gives into another or the matter remains unresolved.

Now one of the characteristics of indoctrination systems, is they foster particular beliefs and state others who disagree are incorrect. Each will claim that they are “really right.” This type of belief system is rigid with little room for difference and is the most difficult to engage in compromise. Examples of indoctrination systems exist within political, religious and extremist groups. Followers of indoctrination systems often oppose anyone who does not believe similarly.

One might think that indoctrinated people are single minded extremists and maybe a bit crazy. Therefore due to their beliefs, it would be easy to recognize, discount or even marginalize them. However, this is not always so, because sometimes we are the indoctrinated. What makes indoctrination so insidious is that we are often unaware of our own intolerance, prejudice, feelings of privilege and dogmatism.

Now let us turn for a moment to specific religious or spiritual beliefs. For example does reincarnation exist or not? People’s beliefs, opinions and religious doctrines are all over the place on this. Some religions claim reincarnation is true and others do not. Additionally some religions state specific circumstances under which it occurs and many details. Yet to someone of another faith this is not a central issue and according to his or her belief system, reincarnation does not exist.

Well, which view is correct? As with our example: about painting the house, perhaps both or neither? Also in this matter we must consider the energy produced by believing and the effect it has upon reality. In the medical field, doctors and other healers are becoming aware people who believe they are going to get well have a greater chance of recovering from serious illness. The energy around belief, in part, leads to recovery.

Or perhaps there is a dimension, or energy engendered by belief, when attached to a possibility serves as a catalyst and causes things to occur.

The universe is a vast place and it is possible for all kinds of things to be true simultaneously. This is perhaps one of the hardest things to accept, but if you look closely in your day to day life, you will see that this shows itself to be true in numerous ways.

Now one person believes there is a God and another does not. Are both correct? On one level: yes. On the level of personal belief and experience both are correct. Yet ultimately, in the larger universe, only one is accurate.

It is possible for people to believe things that are not true for others and in time, it is possible for them to accept something else. People believe and accept at the level to which they are most comfortable. Also it is possible for people to believe something and cause it to happen. The individual, who goes around believing they are accident prone, creates a state of consciousness that helps pull mishaps toward them. Then others start observing, “Boy, she is really accident prone.” And the belief of others starts to make that state of consciousness even stronger. So more accidents happen!

About the author:
Dr. Stewart Bitkoff grew up in New York City and spent most of his professional career living and working in the New York City area. An expert in therapeutic recreation and psychiatric rehabilitation and treatment, Dr. Bitkoff has been on the faculty or served as field instructor for multiple colleges and universities. He has written work centering on the topic of the completed person and the original human development system. For years Dr. Bitkoff studied in two modern mystical schools. Professionally he worked to help the mentally ill integrate their altered states of consciousness into the physical world; recently he worked with children and their families as a behavioral consultant. His new book is The World of Pond Stories. To purchase your copy go to Amazon: www.bit.ly/bitkoffpond (Paperback $13.99 | Kindle $5.95). Stewart Bitkoff’s Online Store: www.StewartBitkoff.com/books

Balanced Living

By Dr. Stewart Bitkoff

Q: How do I balance the physical, mental and spiritual?

A: In order to live a complete life, a life that is tuned to your higher destiny, you must participate in the world and, at times, spiritually withdrawn. Each person is created with a multitude of talents, emotions, hopes and dreams. Each person is an ocean with vast depths of undiscovered marine life, organisms, valleys, peaks and wrecked ships with treasure. All of these capacities, with training and opportunity have the potential for expression.

The key to a balanced life is moderation, expression of the many parts of self and following a spiritual path to completion. We came into the earth phase to do and be many things. A balanced life is working in the world, sharing a family, contributing to the benefit of others, seeing each day as an opportunity to grow closer to your lasting self, and serving Truth.

Daily set aside a few moments to center yourself and listen to your own inner song. If you wish pray, meditate, send healing energy to others, or ask Truth to guide your life. Inside is a golden potential that unlocks limitless energy and guards a hidden treasure.

• Everything in moderation, this is a general rule that many ignore. Extremes are to be avoided. Even too much spiritual activity can disrupt your balance.
• Keep your conscious mind and thoughts focused on Truth. Thoughts are energy that return to us and negative thoughts return many times over.
• ‘Work in the world, but not of it.’ Have a job and support your family but keep a part of yourself apart. This is your sacred center; enter it, draw guidance and life-giving energy.
• In the morning and evening, set aside a few moments to honor that which gave us life and ask for guidance to make our life the living prayer.
• When problems are placed before you, ‘remember problems exist so you can solve them.’ Have a positive attitude, work hard and ask Truth for guidance.
• Honor your body and its emotions. Take the time to exercise, love, eat correctly, and express your feelings, moderately. These are essential aspects to the earth phase.
• Be generous and kind to others. Our good work returns to us as positive energy that raises us higher.

We are entering the age of self and leaving the age of authority. The solutions to the problems of this age are to be found within people, not institutions. While institutions may help, the solutions are waiting within each soul. Now our task is to develop better people who are closely aligned with Truth and work to solve the problems around us. Remember we are a wondrous creation that has forgotten to use its magic wand.

Photo by Jeremy Thomas on Unsplash